I realized something extremely important today about human nature. So important and yet so vaguely cryptic I surely wont remember it, but should definitely make an effort to.
Ive been trying for the last 4 years of my life, to create a set of standards, rules, basic criteria on the topic of human nature, so that I can predict how it is people will react to things I decide to say. I’ve been thinking with every social gathering that I finally hit the nail on the head, that I finally have it figured out. And then I go to the next one and am shocked and surprised by what transpires, even with the arsenal of experiences gained from past observations.
The thing is I figured out I never will be able to come up with a definitive human nature rule-book, but I don’t seem to want to stop. I’d like to always better myself socially. That’s not to say I’m bad in social situation, on the contrary they have always been my strong suit. But something inside me wants to improve past a point that most people only think about every now and again. I want to be able to walk into a room and have an instant opening in every conversation. This status would of course take the guess work, and more importantly the creativity out of it. The creativity that comes with observing a girl from across the room, and fiddling with words and the English language in your head, trying to think of something clever, funny and charismatic to say.
Why is it that when you say the words “Turning Point”, it sounds so glorious and reserved. Like you should only really have 2 or 3 in your entire life. I feel like every time I come to a hard conclusion its a “Turning Point”.
Something interesting awakened in me with all this new data to process. The next morning was oozing the raw taint of a subtle hang-over.
I passed by her in my car while looking for parking. Something about her ringed biologically perfect to me. She was that perfect height for me that I’ve learned to really savor due to it scarcity. I parked and walked down her street with a face stuck in a mode that could only be caused by a hang over. Still I could feel the slight optimism in my mouths muscles. I stopped by her while she was talking on her phone and asked for a cigarette, trying to keep at a whisper, she hung up the phone, probably worn out by the voice-mail function and gave me one.
“How old are you?”, bio-goddess asked.
“Not old enough to smoke” she almost interrupts.
“Yeah I’m actually 18, I know I look young”
“But you have to be 19 to buy ciggs”
My next look was part confusion, part confrontation.
“Nah, just 18, I do it all the time.”
“Oh maybe its up here”
“Probably. Where are you from?”
I proceeded to slowly pull out my cigarette pack, making sure she took notice.
“I’m not going to lie to you, I actually have my own. I suppose the jig is up, purely by choice on my part. I came over because something caught my eye. You could say I learned a lot of things last night. One of which is to go after what you want. I’m also a bit hazed as to where this conversation would lead us. See after we are done smoking our respective cigarette’s, we don’t have a lot of options. And I don’t particularly want that. See somewhere on a purely subconscious level, that I don’t really want to even understand, I like something about you, enough to actually want to get to know you, and not just have some shit-quick small-talk for a cigarette. You could say your exterior has enticed me to get to know your interior.”